Femininity is not biology. It is a set of social expectations associated with being female — how to look, speak, move, and relate to others. These expectations vary across cultures and eras. In Victorian England, femininity meant modesty and domesticity. In 1980s corporate America, it meant shoulder pads and assertiveness. Today, definitions are contested and plural.

Sociologists distinguish femininity from femaleness. A person can be female and not perform femininity. A person can be male and perform femininity. Gender is something people do, not something they are, argued Candace West and Don Zimmerman in their classic 1987 article.

Common expectations

• Appearance: softness, grooming, fashion
• Emotion: warmth, nurturing, expressiveness
• Behavior: politeness, cooperation, deference
• Sexuality: modesty, desirability, monogamy

Femininity is not inherently oppressive. But when it is enforced rigidly, it limits choices. Men who violate feminine norms face homophobic slurs. Women who reject them are called unfeminine or worse.