Prostate massagers are insertable toys with a head that aims at the prostate through the rectal wall, about two finger-joints in, toward the belly. A perineum arm often sits outside and keeps the toy from rotating. The shape does the aiming so your wrist does not have to.

A gentle come-hither rocking works better than fast thrusting. The prostate can swell a little with arousal; what felt like nothing at first can feel like a lot ten minutes later. Ejaculation is possible and not required. Some people get a fuller, less pointed orgasm. Some people get nothing and need a different angle.

A wide base stays outside. Lube more than you think. If you feel sharp pain rather than pressure, you are on the wrong spot or too deep. Wash with soap after, and wash your hands before you touch anything else.

Learning the angle

• Empty the bowel if you can; it makes focus easier.
• Try on your side with knees up.
• A toy with a handle beats a slick plug you cannot steer.
• Stop for that “need to pee” panic if it turns into pain.